


No Hard Feelings

by skymageariel



Category: The Dragon Prince
Genre: Angs, Band, Garage Band, Gen, Music, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25704709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skymageariel/pseuds/skymageariel
Summary: Callum only sang with the band once.
Relationships: Harrai (The Dragon Prince), Rayllum (The Dragon Prince)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 29





	No Hard Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to “No Hard Feelings” by The Avett Brothers before reading.

Callum insisted that the band continue rehearsing, despite the most recent circumstances. He needed something- anything that was normal. Anything to get his mind away from his mom, anything to make him forget, if even for only an hour. 

Rayla was the first to show up for rehearsal. When she got out of her car, Callum smiled. She was five minutes early, carrying her green water bottle filled with tea like always. Things were normal. When she saw Callum, her face softened.

“Are you okay?” she asked, as she pulled her electric guitar out of the backseat.

“Yeah, I’m good. Can’t wait to start rehearsal. We left off on a really good note last week, and I’m-“

“No, Callum,” Rayla said, stopping him in his tacks. “You know what I mean.”

Callum’s smile faltered. “Yeah, I know,” he said, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat. “But let’s not talk about it okay?”

“Yeah,” Rayla sighed, “Whatever you need.” She went inside to set up and tune. As she did, Soren and Claudia pulled up in their dad’s van, two minutes early, as usual. Callum smiled to greet them.

“Hey,” Claudia said, as the two of them got out of the car. “I heard what happened,” she said, stepping closer. “If you wanna talk-“

“I’m fine, everyone needs to stop worrying,” Callum said, stepping back with a smile. Claudia’s eyes started welling up. “I’m serious, everything's okay,” he assured her. She sighed and moved past him, going inside to meet Rayla. Soren, with his drumsticks in a case like a nerd, met Callum’s eyes.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Now get inside, we gotta start rehearsal.” 

—-

“Alright everyone,” Callum said, quieting the noise of miscellaneous instruments and noises. “We’ve got a gig in two weeks, a restaurant in the middle of town. I’ll send you all the address when the time comes, but in the meantime, you all got the song list I sent you, right?”

“Yes,” everyone else said in unison.

“Great. Now they’re  _ Scott Pilgrim  _ fans, they’ve got a lot of songs from the movie on the list, so-“

“So I’m hearing band movie night?” Soren said, knee already bouncing and anxious to kick a drum. Callum smiled.

“Definitely a must. But in the meantime, we should be talking about lineups, orders, who’s leading which songs-“

“Callum?” The door to the house opened, and Harrow poked his head in the door. “Can I speak to you for a moment?” 

“Uh, we just started-“ Callum said, looking back at the band.

“Please, it will only take a moment.”

“We’ll figure out the lineup,” Claudia said, pulling her bass off her shoulders. “You can go for a few minutes, we won’t fall apart.” She smiled at Harrow, knowing that with all he was going through, he needed his son.

Inside, Harrow took a shaky breath. “You know how much your mother loved your band-“ 

“Dad, I really don’t wanna talk about this.” When Harrow was silent, Callum made a move for the door. “Can I get back now?”

Harrow stepped closer, taking Callum’s hand, and said, “Please, I need someone to play, and you know how much she would have wanted you to-“

Callum pulled his hand from his dad’s grasp. “No, Dad, I don’t think I can-“

“Just think about it? Please? Ask the band, see if it would be something they’d be interested in. I can pay you what I’d pay any other band, I just want that band to be yours.”

Callum sighed. “I’ll ask them, but if they say no, you can’t get mad at me for it.”

“Thank you, it means the world to me.” Harrow moved closer, arms outstretched.

“I’ve gotta get back to rehearsal.” Callum opened the garage door and stepped away.

Callum came back to the band, surprised to see the three of them huddled together, talking in hushed, concerned whispers. But once they saw him, they broke apart, acting as if nothing had happened.

“Everyone okay?” he asked as Rayla and Claudia took their places behind their mics.

“Yeah!” Claudia laughed. “It’s not like we were listening to you through the door or anything.”

“Clauds-“ Rayla jabbed her in the ribs with her elbow. “We said we’d-“

“Well he definitely knows we were listening now,” Claudia whispered.

“Let’s move past whatever this is and just start, okay?” Callum shrugged, unbothered. The rest of the band shared worried glances. He wasn’t ever like this- he was curious, he was inquisitive, he cared about what the band was thinking, he was their friend. Callum was seriously hurting, but for some reason, he wasn’t letting it show.

“We figured out a lineup,” Rayla piped up. “Claudia and I went through and picked out songs that would suit our voices and junk.”

“Did you check the chord charts I sent out?” Callum asked.

“Yeah.” Rayla said.

He turned to Claudia. “You got the tabs?”

“Mhm.”

“Soren? Any questions?”

“Nope, I’m ready to go,” he said.

“Alright- I was thinking our opener could be  _ Threshold, _ a fun, upbeat way to open the night.” Callum flipped through the papers he’d printed, reviewing each of the songs they’d been asked to play. “Let’s hear it.”

“ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!” Soren kicked off the band, hitting the drums with precision and pure energy. Rayla began on electric, striking a low chord that shook the amps and made the house shake. Claudia struck her bass, matching Rayla’s chords an octave lower.

_ “I'm hearing voices, animal noises _

_ The crème de la crème, the feminine abyss _

_ And I'm reaching my threshold _

_ Staring at the truth till I'm blind.”  _ Rayla sang, low and powerful. Callum listened, smiling at the prospect of the three of them at that restaurant uptown. He was so proud of how far they’d come, and he knew his mom would be, too.

_ Nope, nope, not gonna go there,  _ Callum thought to himself when he caught his eyes welling up. Rayla kept singing, catching his eye. Callum nodded, giving her a thumbs up. He was okay. Why wouldn’t he be?

The song came to an end, the band breathless and full of adrenaline. 

“Everyone sounded great, just a few things-“ Callum began.

_ “Ask if they can play for me, please!”  _ Harrow’s voice said in his head. Callum stuttered and cleared his throat.

“Soren, a little lighter on the crashes- they have a tendency to sound a bit muddled in songs like this, which is more rhythmically driven-“

_ “Your mother would have wanted to. She never heard you sing, just think-“ _

“And, uh, if, um, R-Rayla, could you maybe back off a bit and let Claudia’s bass carry the, um, the verses-“

_ “I can pay you like I would any other band, I just want that band to be yours.”  _

“A-and, uh, Claudia, you sound great but I-I think maybe let Rayla carry vocals un-until the chorus-“

“Are you okay?” Rayla asked, cutting him off. “You look like you’re gonna be sick.”

“I’m fine, just- uh- My mom’s service is in two days, and my dad wants us to play, but I said no, so I just- I don’t wanna talk about it actually, so can we go to the next song?”

“Callum, if your dad wants us to play, why shouldn’t we?” Claudia asked.

“I just want things to be normal, Okay? Singing at a funeral service isn’t normal.”

“Do we get paid?” Soren piped up in the back. Claudia and Rayla shot him dirty looks, but he shrugged. “Do we?”

“I-I mean, we would if we were taking the gig, but we’re not,” Callum countered

“This isn’t some gig,” Rayla said, stepping closer. “This is your mother.”

“I know, but-“

“What’s stopping you from taking it?” Rayla asked, moving closer and putting both hands on Callum’s shoulders. She searched his eyes. They were blank.

“I already told you. I want things to be normal.”

“Okay, since Mr. I’m-In-Charge is at it again, let’s take a band vote,” Claudia said. Rayla took a step back

“This isn’t me going on a power trip, this is just a personal thing-“ Callum tried.

“Okay, and?” Soren said. “We said at the beginning we wouldn’t let personal issues get in the way of us as a collective. Claudia’s right, we need to take a vote.”

“All in favor of playing at the service, raise their hand,” Rayla said. The three of them raised their hands. He looked at the three of them, feeling betrayed. None of them wavered. 

“Fine. I’ll get the music from my dad. We can practice it by ourselves, but I don’t want to hear a word about it until Friday.” Callum crossed his arms, shifting uncomfortably.

“This will be a good thing,” Rayla assured him. “We wouldn’t want to do this if it weren’t. Besides-“ she looked around at the rest of the room, “We’re gonna miss her too. If we can pay one last tribute to her-“

“Yeah, I get it,” Callum shrugged. “Let’s just get back to that gig two weeks from now. They’re expecting big things, this could be a break for us. We can’t blow it. Let’s take  _ Threshold  _ from the top one more time, keeping in mind the things I mentioned.” 

Rayla bit her lip, glancing over at Claudia. The two shared a glance, agreeing that something with Callum was seriously wrong. 

—-

Callum left rehearsal feeling shaky and light headed. He smiled through it until Claudia and Soren left. He didn’t realize Rayla was still there when he ran a hand down his face in exhaustion.

“Tired?” she asked, coming up behind him.

“No, I’m fine,” he said.

“You look pale. When was the last time you ate something?”

“I don’t remember. Rayla, I’m okay. You gotta trust me on that.”

“I do, but-“ her eyes began welling up. “I’m heartbroken, and she wasn’t even my mother. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, what Harrow’s going through, what Ezran’s going through.”

“We’ll be okay, I swear. But right now, The three of us need someone to hold us together.”

“It doesn’t have to be you.”

“Who else is gonna drive Ez to school then? Who's gonna buy groceries so we don’t starve? Rayla, I’d love to break into a million pieces, but I can’t afford to do that when I know that if I do, the tiny bit of normal we have left will fall apart.”

“You keep bringing up normal. You want things to be normal, you don’t want to dip your toe into anything outside of normality, and for what?” She took a breath, shaking her head.”Your mother is gone, Callum. That’s not normal. And it’s okay- things are changing.”

Callum took a breath, and what little trace of blush left in his face drained. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and Rayla placed the back of her hand on his forehead. 

“You’re burning up,” she said.

“I’m not.” 

“Did you have breakfast today?”

“No.”

“Let’s get you something to eat then, okay?”

Callum stared at the ground. “Okay.” 

—-

Sitting at the table, a plate of untouched french fries in front of him, Callum griped about the song Harrow had picked out, while Rayla silently wished he wouldn’t.

“He wants us to do  _ No Hard Feelings _ ? We’re a rock band- this is some feel-good mushy crap that we’re not prepared for,” Callum said, pushing his plate to the side to read the sheet music in front of us.

“You know, we’re a group of talented musicians who can play any genre. I think we’ll manage,” Rayla said, looking at the music. “I can play the acoustic for this one. Claudia’s got a steady bass line. And I know Soren likes to overdo the drums, but he’ll do really well with a simple beat.”

“You think?” Callum replied. “C’mon, there’s harmonies too? Now we have to figure out whos leading.”

“Look- I’ll sing the harmonies, they’re not hard,” she said. She moved closer, reading the chords she’d play.

“What, and leave Claudia on the melody?” Callum scoffed. “No way- she’s a soprano, these are alto notes at best.” He put his elbows on the table, resting his head in his hands. “If you’re on harmony, who will sing the melody? This is why I knew this wouldn’t work-“

“You will,” Rayla interrupted. Callum sat up and stared at her, dumbfounded.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You should sing.”

“Uh-uh, no way.”

“Callum-“ Rayla sighed, taking his hand. “I think I can speak for the rest of the band when I say that this isn’t our place. You need to be the one to lead this song.” She drew the plate of french fries closer. “Now eat something. Please.”

Callum looked at Rayla, meeting her eyes. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Do what?”

“Sing for her. I don’t think I can.”

“Prove me wrong on Friday, then.” She stood, not letting go of his hand. “Claudia, Soren and I are meeting at my place tomorrow to practice. If you could make it, no one would be disappointed. But we’d understand if you didn’t show.”

“Thanks,” Callum said, looking away. He pulled his hand from hers to flip through the pages of sheet music once more. “I’ll try to be there.”

With a sigh, Rayla leaned down and planted a kiss on his cheek. “I hope you can,” she whispered as she pulled away.

—-

Callum skipped the rehearsal, to no one's surprise. He instead spent his time listening to the song alone, wondering how he could possibly do it justice. 

Thursday night, he sat at his piano, plunking out the chords, singing along best he could. He went through the song, trying hard not to focus too much on the lyrics, but rather how they sounded. 

_ When my body won’t hold me anymore _

_ and it finally lets me free, _

_ will I be ready? _

_ When my feet won’t walk another mile _

_ and my lips give their last kiss goodbye, _

_ will my hands be steady? _

Desperately ignoring the words, Callum decided to focus on the musicality. This is just another gig, he would tell himself. Just another gig. 

_ When I lay down my fears, _

_ my hopes and my doubts, _

_ the rings on my fingers,  _

_ the keys to my house, _

_ with no hard feelings? _

Pushing the images of his mother from his mind, Callum mindlessly played and sang along. He’d be able to get through this if he didn’t think about what he was getting through.

He ignored the memories of his mother, bright smile, a light in her eyes, everything that made her wonderful. He pretended to forget the smell of Sarai and Ezran baking in the kitchen, surprising the family after dinner. He ignored the vision of Ezran running into her arms whenever she got home from work.

He pushed away the thought of how he’d never hear her say “I love you” again. He rejected the thought of Ezran having to grow up without a mother. He ignored the heavy feeling building in his chest and the slight shake in his hand. Callum pushed away everything, opting instead for a blank mind.

“This isn’t working,” Callum muttered aloud, pulling his hands from the keys and wiping tears from his cheeks. “I can’t do this, I just can’t.”

“Callum?” Came a voice. Sitting up, drying his face, he turned to see who had called. He saw Ezran, standing in the door.

“H-hey, Ez,” he sniffed, “What’s up?”

“Are you… crying?”

“Uh, no, no,” he said, “Just allergies.” He coughed for good measure.

“Right…” Ezran said, stepping closer and closing the door behind him. 

“Can I help you with anything?” Callum asked, moving over to make room for Ezran on the piano bench.

“Yeah, actually,” Ez replied, sitting next to his brother. He put a piece of paper that he’d been carrying on top of the keys. “Mom used to help with my math homework. I was wondering if you-“ He paused when he saw his brother’s face. His eyes had widened, blinking fast. The color drained from his face.

“Yeah,” Callum breathed, “yeah, I can help.” He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “What are we looking at here?”

“Algebra.”

“Oof, my least favourite of the maths,” Callum offered a slight laugh. He took the paper, reading the formulas across the paper. “Oh, this is easy. Pencil?” he asked. Ezran handed him a pencil from his pocket. “All they’re asking you to do is plug the equation into the graphing section on your calculator. I’ll write the instructions for you at the top.”

As Callum started writing, Ezran poked at the piano keys. 

“I heard you singing,” he said. “You sound good.”

“Thanks, Ez,” Callum replied, though he hadn’t been listening to what Ezran just said.

“If you’re worried for tomorrow,” Ezran let out a breath, “I don’t think you should be.”

“Mhm,” Callum handed back the paper. “Should be all set- come back if you can’t figure it out, okay?”

“Thank you,” Ezran said. He took the paper and went to leave the room. At the door, he stopped. Within a second, Ezran turned around and gave Callum a hug, squeezing him tight. As Callum wrapped his arms around his little brother, he tried not to think about how much like their mother Ezran turned out to be. When Ez finally pulled away, leaving the room to finish his homework, Callum felt his energy drain out of him. He slouched, barely strong enough to bring his hands to the keys in front of him. 

Just as he mustered the strength to strike a chord, his phone buzzed. Pulling it out of his pocket, he read a text from Rayla. 

**_Missed you today. Things are tough. I know you can do this._ **

While the message was appreciated, Callum didn’t have the power to reply.

—-

Friday afternoon, standing in the middle of some church that Harrow had rented out for the service, Callum was filled with regret for taking the gig. He hadn’t even planned to show up for the service, and now he’d be spilling his guts on a stage in front of an audience. 

People milled in, quietly, dressed in black as Callum sat in the front row. He didn’t look at anyone. 

A few minutes passed in a blurry haze. People he barely recognized offered their condolences. Callum thanked God no one wanted to talk for much longer than a few seconds.

Rayla sat next to him as Claudia and Soren set up the instruments on stage. She put an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

“You ready?” she said. Callum was shaking.

“No.”

“Neither am I.” She stood, offering a hand. Callum took it, and together they walked on stage.

The few minutes leading up to the song were a blurry haze. His dad came up and said a few words, sitting next to Ezran when he was done. Callum didn’t hear anything until the gentle tap of Soren’s drumsticks, setting the tempo for the song. 

Rayla started strumming, Claudia’s bass shaking the floor and Soren’s backbeat leaving thumps in his chest with every half-measure. 

_ When my body won't hold me anymore  _

_ And it finally lets me free  _

_ Will I be ready? _

Callum’s own voice in the mic caught him by surprise. It was shaky and raspy. Callum wasn’t much of a singer.

_ When my feet won't walk another mile  _

_ And my lips give their last kiss goodbye  _

_ Will my hands be steady? _

Memories of his own mother kissing him on the cheek flooded his mind as he sang. For a moment, he choked. But after pushing those thoughts away, he seemed to feel okay again. 

_ When I lay down my fears  _

_ My hopes and my doubts  _

_ The rings on my fingers  _

_ And the keys to my house  _

_ With no hard feelings _

Rayla joined in a third higher. Her voice complimented his well. The sound of her next to him was enough to make him forget for a moment who he was singing for. But only for a moment.

_ When the sun hangs low in the west  _

_ And the light in my chest  _

_ Won't be kept held at bay any longer _

This lyric hurt. His mother was a light, his mother was the sun, and she had set. His mother, sinking below the horizon. She was leaving. She was gone.

_ When the jealousy fades away  _

_ And it's ash and dust for cash and lust  _

_ And it's just hallelujah _

His mother was never jealous. His mother was never angry. She was kind and patient. The thought of it made Callum’s eyes well up, but he blinked the tears away.

_ And love in thoughts _

_ and love in the words  _

_ Love in the songs they sing in the church  _

_ And no hard feelings _

Callum tried not to think of the love his mother had shown throughout the years. Unconditional, never falling. 

_ Lord knows they haven't done  _

_ Much good for anyone  _

_ Kept me afraid and cold  _

_ With so much to have and hold _

He then made the mistake of looking into the crowd. Ezran. His head hung low, grasping tight to Harrow’s hand. 

_ When my body won't hold me anymore  _

_ And it finally lets me free  _

_ Where will I go? _

Maybe if he listened to the band instead. A distraction- something to keep him from breaking down in front of everybody.

_ Will the trade winds take me south  _

_ Through Georgia grain or tropical rain  _

_ Or snow from the heavens? _

Claudia’s bass sent vibrations through his feet. Either that or he was still shaking. Soren’s drums still resonated in his heart in every beat. Or maybe his heart was still pounding.

_ Will I join with the ocean blue  _

_ Or run into the savior true  _

_ And shake hands laughing _

Images flooded his mind of Sarai meeting her family on the beach. She was laughing, she finally got to be with them again.

_ And walk through the night  _

_ Straight to the light  _

_ Holding the love I've known in my life  _

_ And no hard feelings _

In his head, Callum tried to call out to her. She walked away, leaving footprints in the sand. He tried to follow her, but his feet were rooted to the spot.

_ Lord knows they haven't done  _

_ Much good for anyone  _

_ Kept me afraid and cold  _

_ With so much to have and hold _

It wasn’t fair. Why would she leave them! Harrow needed her, Ezran needed her, Callum needed her. How could she leave them behind, why couldn’t he hold onto her a little longer-

_ Under the curving sky  _

_ I'm finally learning why  _

_ It matters for me and you  _

_ To say it and mean it too _

Callum closed his eyes, clenching his hands into fists. Everything but the band faded from his mind. Rayla singing alongside him, strumming delicately.

_ For life and its loveliness  _

_ And all of its ugliness  _

_ Good as it's been to me  _

_ I have no enemies _

Tears began to fall from his cheeks, but he didn’t try to wipe them away. His whole body was trembling, knees shaking and unsteady. He felt his face flush and grow warm. 

_ I have no enemies  _

_ I have no enemies  _

_ I have no enemies _

She was gone. His mother was gone.

The song came to a close, leaving the room silent. Callum stepped away from the mic, his breathing shallow. Rayla whispered something in his ear, but he wasn’t listening. His vision was hazy. He couldn’t see a thing. His limbs had gone numb. Rayla grabbed his arm, leading him backstage, away from the crowd, away from the mic, away from prying eyes who didn’t understand but pretended to.

Behind the door, in the hall, away from everything, he finally broke. 

His knees buckled, and he fell into Rayla’s arms. Tears streamed down his face, and he could feel the two of them sinking to the ground. Her arms wrapped around him, tight, trying to stop him from shaking. 

There they sat, together, as he wept into her shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This short oneshot is based off of some real experiences, so please be nice in the comments lmao. I have other TDP things in the works too, and will post links to them on my twitter, @ ocanmagecalIum


End file.
